Rules of the Chrystal Caves
by RaphaelplusMikey
Summary: Set in my future TFA: Bonds verse. The bots already know that The Untouchables are just plain weird, but what they DON'T know is that there are rules you have to follow in their home: the Chrystal Caves. NOT following them has some dangerous-and hilarious-results. Usually ending up with somebot webbed to the ceiling... or paralyzed... or stuck in a soundless bubble... oh dear.


**Hi! RpM here with a typical rule story! The rules will be told from Sari's perspective, and will include all of my MANY OCs. quick note: You probably won't understand much of what's going on if you haven't read my story TFA: Bonds.**

**Now, the Chrystal Caves are the large cave system that the team lives in. Yes I know that's not how you spell Crystals... Chrystal is part of a personal pun I couldn't resist making. They call themselves The Untouchables, for reasons that are told in the story at some point but aren't really relevant here. They are ****_technically_**** Autobots, but they are their own separate group and therefore are not required to follow orders. Yes, they have a lot of former Decepticons with them. That's how they roll.**

**DISCLAIMER: RpM does not own Transformers Animated! She DOES own the Untouchables itself, but doesn't fully own all of the OCs. Many were inspired by other people's characters and rest assured she has been given permission to use her interpretation of them. She owns _some_ of the OCs though, and would appreciate it if you didn't use them without permission. She'll gladly LET you use them, just ask her first and tell her when you'll have the story posted so she can read it.**

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**Rule #1: Do not compare Zayla to Blackarachnia.**

She really hates it.

She'll also be very quick to tell you EXACTLY what the differences between a techno-organic and Beast Mix are.

And then she'll web you to the ceiling.

*cough*Bumblebee*cough*

**Rule #2: Don't try sneaking up on any of The Untouchables.**

Apparently they have SEVERAL ninjas on their team.

And they are all super secretive.

And paranoid.

And they're used to the ninjas sneaking around.

They WILL know that you're coming.

Always.

**Rule #3: Don't ever mention Starscream's name around Songflight.**

He'll go into this very long rant about how Starscream was a complete and total idiot, who was exactly opposite to him in every possible way.

And then he'll break down into tears asking if he still looked like him.

And then Songfall gets annoyed.

And then Blitzwing gets annoyed.

All three of him.

**Rule #4: Don't ever take a random crystal from the Caves as a souvenir.**

Apparently Ishtaag has a crystal collection.

He broke down into tears when he thought someone had stolen one of his crystals...

Poor Bulkhead felt terrible and burst out crying himself.

They became pretty good friends after Bulky gave him it back.

Ish even found him another one that looked exactly the same as a gift.

**Rule #5: Never wake a Cybercatformer from recharge.**

Optimus needed to talk to Songfall about something.

She was sleeping with Songflight in a big Cybercat pile.

He went to wake her up, and everyone yelled "NO!"

He froze, poor Op was so confused.

Then Blitzwing went over and woke them up carefully.

Apparently when a Cybercatformer wakes up because of something other then themselves they lash out.

Songflight would have probably accidentally cut Optimus in half with those claws of his.

WarHammer said that the last time he tried waking Songfall up he was thrown across the room and through a wall from a single swipe.

Only either another Cybercatformer or a bot with a bond to them can wake them up without being attacked on accident.

After that everybot was super careful anytime they saw Songfall and Songflight napping.

**Rule #6: Bumblebee is not allowed to be around Stinger without another bot around to watch them.**

Stinger is pretty much just like Bumblebee, except he cusses a lot, he's older and therefore a _little_ smarter, and he's much worse.

Ratchet said that if Stinger started rubbing off on Bee he'd reformat the poor mech into a femme.

Stinger just said some weird comment about humans might think that anyway...

**Rule #7: When bots start wrestling, get off the floor.**

This is mostly for me.

I was minding my own business walking around looking for Arrowfang,

when all of a sudden I nearly got stepped on by Ironsaw, who was fighting with WarHammer.

Stinger was quick to pick me up and then Juke told me that everyone liked to wrestle to keep in shape.

She also said that all the organics in the team stayed off the ground and with their Guardians when they did.

She told me a story about how Panic apparently DID get stepped on once...

Luckily they were in the symbiote's body and they just formed back together.

They're all used to bots randomly fighting out of nowhere.

I'm not.

Bumblebee won't let me go anywhere in the caves by myself anymore.

I swear, those guys are more violent then Decepticons!

**Rule #8: Do not ask Juke if that's her real name.**

One word.

CREEPY.

She got this really weird look on her face and stared at nothing for several minutes before laughing.

A very scary and bitter laugh.

"I haven't been called anything else in years."

Then she walked away.

**Rule #9: Do not try to make Panic live up to his name.**

Again,

*cough*Bumblebee*cough*

Panic's host was pretty cool with it, apparently they're used to Stinger pranking everyone.

Panic himself though...

Bumblebee wouldn't ever talk about whatever they did to him.

He was scared to death every time they walked into the room for a month.

**Rule #10: Sleepovers at the Caves aren't bad, but keep it between the organics.**

So, since our team actually lives at the base instead of at the Caves I wanted to see what it was like sleeping there and proposed a sleepover.

...

*cough*Stinger*cough*Ironsaw*cough*

In the end Songfall came to our rescue and told them they weren't allowed to sleep anywhere outside their cave-room.

Their _soundproof_ room.

**Rule #11: Never ask why Blitzwing hasn't joined the musical part of The Untouchables.**

They still do those band gigs every once and a while for cash and for fun.

Optimus happened to mention that Songflight joined them in those times, but Blitzwing didn't.

Random took control and sang 'Down By The Bay'.

Several times.

"Random, my wonderful mate and lifelong partner, I love you.

But if you do not shut up it is my duty as a music loving being to duct tape your mouth shut and toss you off the edge of a cliff."

I swear, I have NEVER laughed so hard.

She said it so _seriously_ too.

**Rule #12: Do not bring chocolate to the Caves and not share it with Panic.**

He was really annoyed...

Later he came up to me and told me that symbiotes have to consume a special chemical or they go into a hungry rage.

That chemical is found in two places:

Chocolate,

And human brains.

He eats chocolate all the time to prevent that, but if the symbiote sees chocolate at ALL he gets hungry.

Needless to say I make sure to bring him a chocolate bar every time I visit.

Panic's host tells me that I'm one of his favorite humans now.

**Rule #13: Never mention orphanages around Ishtaag.**

Prowl was talking about a few orphans who had asked to take pictures with him.

Ish wandered in and heard, and then asked what an orphan was.

"A child without their creators to protect them, most usually because they died.

They are often placed in orphanages, which are similar to youngling care centers."

The entire time Zayla was making 'Shut up!' and 'You are dead!' signs to him but he didn't notice.

As soon as he said 'youngling care center' Ish's optics widened.

All four of them.

The poor little Beast Mix ran out of the room yelling.

"Noh! Good-bah bohs noh thake meebach!"

Seeing Prowl webbed to the ceiling was extremely weird...

**Rule #14: Don't ever let humans say anything about DD's appearance.**

Some guys on the street were saying some really inappropriate things about DD while we were out shopping.

She's extremely "mature" bodied if you get what I mean.

She didn't really care-or at least it didn't seem like it.

Until we stopped at a Burger Bot for lunch.

She was in the bathroom crying.

Next thing we knew, Hatchslur's holoform was beating the slag out of them.

She managed to convince him to leave them alone after he broke a few arms and ribs.

Then she told us very seriously:

"I've had bad experiences with people saying things like that."

With how protective Hatch is of her, it's no wonder he went into berserker mode!

**Rule #15: Don't startle Arrowfang.**

She was working with a computer on their website, answering a few questions from the fans.

Bulkhead came in and accidentally tripped.

Over her tail.

She screamed and coiled together.

Guess what a snake's first instinct when coiled up and in pain is?

He got bit.

It didn't really bother him at first, but she was extremely embarrassed and upset about it.

Then a few minutes later he couldn't move.

Songfall had to explain to a panicked Ratchet that Fang's venom was a paralytic, meaning only an overdose was lethal.

Panic went into this long scientific explanation of what her venom did.

Later, Prowl told us that basically in organics her venom paralyzes the nerves.

In machines the venom has a strange effect of creating small bursts of static electricity.

These stall the electrical signals and paralyze the machine(or in this case, Bulkhead).

It was three hours before he could even twitch again.

**Rule #16: Don't try talking to Scimper when Syfocaus isn't around.**

He'll just stand there.

And stare at you.

If you're lucky and he's feeling chatty,

he'll give you a signal in sign language.

He's only ever talked out loud around me like...

Once.

I think.

**Rule #17: Don't ask April to teach you ninjutsu.**

I wanted to know how to defend myself better...

And who else to ask but the training couch of The Untouchables?

Every single one of them, including the humans, can take down a 'con or at least hold their own.

It was worse than when I asked Prowl to teach me how to fight.

I couldn't even walk the next day, Bumblebee had to carry me around everywhere.

**Rule #18: Syfocaus is silent, but deadly.**

Prowl walked in on them while training.

He ended up with five different knives stuck in his ped.

The dude's got wicked aim and even scarier reflexes!

**Rule #19: Also with the rule above, never enter their training cave unless you know ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY that they're not practicing.**

Juke has this really cool weapon that she says is a "hookar".

It's a flat rope with a giant hook on one end and a heavy ball on the other.

She swings it around like a staff and the two weighted ends keep the rope from going slack.

She's also not very good at it.

Well, she's _good_ at it, she just has a bad habit of accidentally letting it go.

WarHammer said that he used to only be blind in one optic, and then he accidentally walked in on her during training and her fingers slipped.

Then he was blind in BOTH optics.

Juke's still really upset about it.

**Rule #20: Don't mess with the artists.**

Juke was incredibly excited when she found out that Bulkhead liked painting.

She took him to show him her special cave, which was completely covered in charcoal drawings.

They were really good and looked amazing!

Bulkhead loved them, but he didn't really know how to use charcoal because there weren't charcoal sticks big enough for his servos.

They eventually figured out how to make some for him, by taking a log and burning the tip in a fire.

Juke was in the middle of showing him how to use them when Bumblebee dumped water on them as a prank.

Charcoal sticks apparently get ruined in water.

And the water splashed onto the walls too.

For an entire week, she followed 'Bee and kept a soundproof bubble around him.

What's worse, is that since she's a ninja Bumblebee couldn't do anything about it.

That was most likely the quietest week at the base EVER.

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**So, I'm guessing you guys are more than a little confused! Like I said, a LOT of OCs and a TON of craziness going on. Beware, there be spoilers aplenty for TFA: Bonds. There are a few things that I won't tell you, because of spoilers, but I WILL give out one character explanation for each chapter. Say, if I get reviews asking about WarHammer****, I'll put a description of him and explain a little about him. :)**

**Read and Review and all that jazz! I strongly advise you to ask for a character description for the person who is most confusing. :3**


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